TODAY

I just read this on someone's Facebook status: "Once you decide not to be miserable, great things happen". That really resonated with me and inspired me to write after way too long staying away from the blog! The last few months have brought about some serious thinking for me concerning what I really want out of life. Not just for me, but for my family. I am already finding myself saying "Oh, I'll do that later". Or, "Maybe one day". Along with that, I am realizing that TODAY is the day and LATER should be NOW. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones talking, but I sure appreciate them. They (or whatever it is) are helping me see things in perspective and try to honor what is truly important in life. After all, you only get one (life, that is)! My husband and I, lead by my begging and pleading, are considering some serious life changes coming very soon. All my life, all I have wanted is to be a mother. To be a wife. To be the one who cares for my children the way I want to, not the way I have to. Too often we find ourselves restricted by time and energy. That's where the "maybe one day"'s and "I'll do it later"'s come in. Too many days I find the way I am spending them (my days, that is) to simply be a means to an end. "Just get through the day and then you can be home with your family" I tell myself. I have realized that my children are only going to be young once and you can't go back. You can't save childhood for later. Now is the time. So, we are embarking on a new, exciting adventure. It's just a temporary adventure, but so is childhood, right? This new job, like any job, will have many ups and downs. Many struggles, compromises, and maybe even some "lets just get through the day" 's. But, at least I will lay my head down at night knowing that I have done the best I can at the best job anyone could have; being a mother.

Center Cut

Never in my life did I think I would compare my life to a piece of meat. I don't even really like meat. I have always had issues with the texture, taste, and smell of most any meat. So to compare my life at the moment to meat, well, you would think I am not happy with it.

But that is the farthest thing from the truth. My life is just about as good as it gets at the moment. My husband just recently got hired on for next year as an assistant principal/director of the career and technology center at the high school. I am expecting our second child, a girl, in June. Mason, 2 1/2, is a fiesty, typical two year old who is definitely starting to show us who he really is. We have a great (but small, ahem) house and live in a great neighborhood.

Back to the meat comparison. The things that are good in my life are the best part, the center cut. But even the best piece of meat has fat marbled through it and along the edges. Those are the bad days, the hard times, the things that most people experience in life. All you meat eaters out there know that it can be darn hard to trim off all of the fat before you take a bite of that sweet, juicy, piece of meat.

I just grossed myself out even typing that, ew.

So you just eat the meat with the fat on it. Dive head first into the good times and brace for the bad. Hopefully though, those good times will help with swallowing the fat. Make it easier to take in.

Right now, in my life, I am trying to swallow the fat and appreciate the center cut. The good stuff. Because what is a good piece of meat if you can't enjoy every bite?

Cuteness

The weather report for today, by Mason:

"Oh my doodness! It's wind!" Yes, that is how he said it. And I giggled for at least a minute.


In response to not liking something, or not wanting it:

I can't like peas, Mom!

I can't want the chitin' (chicken)!


Potty time:

(while pottying on Cheerios in the toilet) "I hit de Chee-os in da toyet, Mom"



What cute things does your child say or do?

coming to a close

Today is the last "weekday" of my Christmas vacation. I know, I know...if you aren't a teacher, you are probably cussing me and wishing that I and all of your other teacher friends would shut their traps about it. I must admit, through all the trials of teaching, these extended breaks (almost) make dealing with the education system worth it.

We are going to enjoy the rest of the weekend by relaxing and having a little fun in these unseasonable warm temperatures.

It's New Year's Eve, and we actually have plans. Going to a friend's dinner party, then to the movies (instead of the bars this year). What are you doing to ring in the new year?

Catching Up

Well, since it has been, oh, three and a half months since I have written, I suppose I will just write about what has been going on around here. I honestly did not post anything lately because my mind has felt like mush and I can't even find my car keys or Mason's diapers half the time, let alone put together a well written, meaningful blog entry.

Happier times are here. I am sixteen weeks pregnant with, well, we don't know yet; but, I WILL tell you that today the doctor told us it will either be a boy or a girl!! Hehe. I am so excited to find out who will be joining us in June I can't stand it!

School is flying by ( a good thing, I must say) this year. This class I have of second graders this year? Well, they are a challenge to say the least. It makes me so sad sometimes to try to think of the REAL reasons they act they way they do sometimes. My district is low-income with plenty of poverty and disadvantaged kids to go around. A love for school starts at home, and some of these kids are just worried about whether or not they will eat that day, or if they will get a "whoopin" for not finishing their homework at school. Anyway, I just keep thinking "May 27th, May 27th, May 27th" and it will get here soon (enough).

Mason is two and (almost) a half, and I can't believe it. He is starting to talk in full sentences and understands WAY more than we give him credit for. I love having little conversations about books, school, and what I am doing at thisverysecondeverysecondoftheday. :) He understands that there is a baby in my belly and kisses it every now and then, which makes me cry. Wait. Everything makes me cry.

Mason loves his Daddy. That used to hurt my feelings, but now I love it. They wrestle, play football, and wrestle (yes, I said that twice). It is so fun to watch them do man things together!

I am hosting (the day after) Christmas this year, busily trying to get last minute wrapping, cleaning, and whatever else I forgot to do five minutes ago. It will be fun to have everyone here this year! Our cats have just about ruined our Christmas tree, so that's nice. But hey, the lights still work and (most) of the ornaments are still on the top half of the tree, so I'd say that's a win right there.

Merry Christmas everyone. Don't forget to tip everyone who has ever done anything for you AT LEAST $50.

Big times here at the King's!!

We've been makin' messes,

Experimenting with mama's makeup (shh, don't tell Chad!)

And the biggest one of all...pottyin'! Wish us luck!

Don't count your chickens.

I hesitated to write this. Because, well, this is a blog. And anyone is free to read it. But, that's why I have one, I guess. This is supposed to be sort of an online journal, I guess.

I am heartbroken. Figuratively and almost literally. On Saturday I lost the second baby in two months that I have carried. I am so pissed off at God right now. I know I probably shouldn't be. Or maybe I am pissed off at my body. Nobody can say the right thing. "Oh, it's for the best." Or, "Oh, it's your body's way of telling you something isn't right". I don't care about all that. None of it makes me feel any better. I honestly feel a gaping hole in the middle of my body. Two days ago I felt a fullness. I felt like throwing up. I was dizzy, had an aching chest. All of it because I was expecting a child, and now I'm not.

I feel bad for being so angry. I think about others who actually give birth to their children and then lose them. I won't pretend to know how that feels. But I'm sure it sucks. Worse than I ever want to know. So, when I am crying or want to punch something because of the way I feel, I feel a little crazy, too. Crazy because there are people who have it so much worse. People who have had 20 miscarraiges instead of two. People who have lost babies they have actually held in their arms.

I feel selfish. Robbed of the "perfect summer" I was supposed to have. All summer with my newborn baby. Now, the months are ticking away until it will be a new school year by the time I give birth.

I would say I am at the "anger" stage, wouldn't you? I hope the doctor can help me understand this and provide me with a way to keep this from happening again. I don't think I am strong enough for this.

I also feel so stupid. Stupid because I told a few close friends about this second pregnancy. Stupid because now I have to go back and tell them it's not to be. And stupid because now they have to pretend to know how I feel and pretend to know what to say to me. Now I know why people don't shout it out to the world when it happens to them. I always thought that was weird. I told everyone I knew that I was pregnant with Mason before the pee had even dried on the stick. I assumed that this time would be no different. Wow. I assumed way too much. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" is my new motto...

Please keep me in your thoughts these next few months while we figure this mess out. Thank you!!