This has been an interesting summer. I have always thought I wanted to be a stay at home mother. Not now. I love being at home with Mason, but also look forward to the days he goes to play at school and I can have some "me" time. I need adult interaction. And structure. It is hard to find structure with an almost two year-old.
My back hurts. Probably from lifting said toddler too much.
I have to tutor in the morning. I wish I could do that everyday, as my full time job. It is so easy to work with two students at a time!
My husband has started football season, so he is never home. Gone 13 hours a day. So I am like a single mother. See why I like my "me" time?
I ate boneless wings and pasta salad for dinner tonight. They were so good! Mason spit the wings out and cried, probably because they were General Tso's. Bad mother I am!
I am ready for Mason to be potty trained. He could care less. Boo.
We are going to a wedding this weekend, Chad and I. It will be like a date. Awww.
We are growing a garden with tomatoes, lettuce, corn, canteloupe, cucumbers, and pumpkins. Nothing is ready yet, and I am growing impatient. We are going to have so much produce all at once I might have to open up a roadside, wait no, a driveway produce stand. Like the little kids that sell lemonade. Hey, I could do that too! And parade my cute little baby boy around to entice people to come and look at the produce. Lord knows it's hot enough for some lemonade, too, now isn't it? Was that a run-on?
Ahh, I'm out of consciousness now.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Roller Coasters
Wednesday marked one year since my mom passed away. In some ways, it seems like it happened yesterday, and in others, it seems even longer than one year ago. It's funny how grief works. It's different for everyone, I know. To me, it closely resembles a roller coaster. It has been awhile since my last trip to Six Flags, but I think that the Screaming Eagle most closely resembles the grief pattern that I seem to follow. Sometimes, the days come and go quickly and easily. Sometimes, they go slower and make your stomach do a little wavy thing. Then, out of nowhere, you can find yourself on a slow, hard climb to a place where your emotions can find some relief. Instead of finding relief, however, the tears flow more than you ever thought they could. You drop down to the bottom and feel like you want to vomit, you can't breathe, or maybe you even kick and scream and wave your arms telling the operator that you want off the ride. NOW. But the operator can't do anything for you.
No one can bring my mom back. God is the operator of this roller coaster of grief that I am on. I must finish the ride, endure the valleys and the plateaus, the fast, the slow, all of it. This week, I felt a familiar feeling. A sense of calm, peace, and acceptance. Just as I did in the days before my mom's death. Then, as Tuesday came, I began to think about where I was last year, how I felt, the difficult decisions that we were faced with as a family. I melted. I felt like I was living it all over again. I actually felt as if all life had been sucked out of me.
Wednesday came, and Chad, Mason and I went to visit her grave. I hadn't been for awhile, and going that day brought back even more memories of her funeral. It was so hard. SO hard. I miss my mom. All the time. I want her back. Healthy. Some days, I am angry; some days I am sad; some days, I am both. But, I know in this roller coaster of grief, that relief will come.
It will come...it will come...
...still waiting.
No one can bring my mom back. God is the operator of this roller coaster of grief that I am on. I must finish the ride, endure the valleys and the plateaus, the fast, the slow, all of it. This week, I felt a familiar feeling. A sense of calm, peace, and acceptance. Just as I did in the days before my mom's death. Then, as Tuesday came, I began to think about where I was last year, how I felt, the difficult decisions that we were faced with as a family. I melted. I felt like I was living it all over again. I actually felt as if all life had been sucked out of me.
Wednesday came, and Chad, Mason and I went to visit her grave. I hadn't been for awhile, and going that day brought back even more memories of her funeral. It was so hard. SO hard. I miss my mom. All the time. I want her back. Healthy. Some days, I am angry; some days I am sad; some days, I am both. But, I know in this roller coaster of grief, that relief will come.
It will come...it will come...
...still waiting.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Necessities
There are many necessities in life. Different people have different things that they claim they could not live with out. But, we all know the basics; Food, water, shelter, and SLEEP. Without sleep your mind becomes mush and your body cannot function. Without it you become entranced in a zombie like state and find it hard to focus on the simplest of tasks.
Some folks can live off of almost no sleep. Others need a lot. I belong to that group. At least 8 hours a night is what gets me through life. I really need 9 or more, but who has time for that? My kid inherited this from me. He sleeps 12 hours a night and sometimes will take a 3 hour nap in the afternoons, depending on what we have been up to. This, I know, is an incredible luxury that some would drool over .
For the past two nights, I have slept a whopping four hours total. Yeah. I know. Sheesh. I am blessed, as millions of other Americans are, with seasonal allergies. The medicine that I call a lifesaver has left me unable to get my zzzzz's. I find myself tossing and turning at night and wondering if it would be worth it to be all stuffy and miserable again just to get some sleep. But, then I wouldn't be able to sleep that way anyway. So, I just take the damn pill and breathe easy for the day, which is wonderful. Then, as bedtime approaches, I start to get a little tired, but then get anxious about not being able to sleep. Then I finally fall asleep and wake up a few hours later, and become anxious again because I am awake and afraid I won't get to go back to sleep.
It is a cycle that I am glad to say is only temporary for me. I hate that so many others go through this on a nightly basis ALL THE TIME. That would suck. Really bad. Because I NEED sleep. If this post does not make any sense, I apologize. And now, I am going to try to take a nap with my little friend. Wish me luck. :)
Some folks can live off of almost no sleep. Others need a lot. I belong to that group. At least 8 hours a night is what gets me through life. I really need 9 or more, but who has time for that? My kid inherited this from me. He sleeps 12 hours a night and sometimes will take a 3 hour nap in the afternoons, depending on what we have been up to. This, I know, is an incredible luxury that some would drool over .
For the past two nights, I have slept a whopping four hours total. Yeah. I know. Sheesh. I am blessed, as millions of other Americans are, with seasonal allergies. The medicine that I call a lifesaver has left me unable to get my zzzzz's. I find myself tossing and turning at night and wondering if it would be worth it to be all stuffy and miserable again just to get some sleep. But, then I wouldn't be able to sleep that way anyway. So, I just take the damn pill and breathe easy for the day, which is wonderful. Then, as bedtime approaches, I start to get a little tired, but then get anxious about not being able to sleep. Then I finally fall asleep and wake up a few hours later, and become anxious again because I am awake and afraid I won't get to go back to sleep.
It is a cycle that I am glad to say is only temporary for me. I hate that so many others go through this on a nightly basis ALL THE TIME. That would suck. Really bad. Because I NEED sleep. If this post does not make any sense, I apologize. And now, I am going to try to take a nap with my little friend. Wish me luck. :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thirty Years
Today is my 30th birthday. Everyone who knew it was approaching all said, "oh, how are you handling it? Are you depressed?" I just smiled and said, "No". I really am okay with it. Some people approach a milestone age and cry, fight, go through a crisis about it, you know, they DON'T want it to happen.
Whenever someone figures out how to stop the aging process, please let me know. You can't do anything about getting older (relatively speaking, of course. We all know about Botox and hair dye.) so why fight it?
Some friends and I went to a local winery to celebrate the occasion, and of course brought me some "Over the Hill" garb to wear throughout the day. I thought "Over the Hill" was when you turned 50? Haha. Yesterday was a beautiful day. Good thing, because I had been looking forward to this trip for months. Everything about yesterday was amazing. Lots of laughs with good friends from near and far. I did miss a few of you though!
My husband, Mr. King had been cooking up a plan for months to surprise me. I have never been surprised in my life. (Well, I take that back. There are many occasions where I have been surprised, but this was my first "birthday" surprise.) When we arrived back in town from the winery, we turned the corner and saw A LOT of cars parked outside. I knew the neighbors were having family over for her mother's birthday, but as I looked closer I noticed that I knew a lot of the cars and that this party was quite possibly for me!! Wow. It was so neat. He had cooked up a storm, gotten a yummy cake, even had a birthday banner made for me that said "Happy 29th...again." He really outdid himself.
I am going to embrace 30 and beyond. I have many wonderful experiences yet to be had, more children to bear, more life to live. And turning 30 is okay.
How did you/will you feel about turning three decades old?
Whenever someone figures out how to stop the aging process, please let me know. You can't do anything about getting older (relatively speaking, of course. We all know about Botox and hair dye.) so why fight it?
Some friends and I went to a local winery to celebrate the occasion, and of course brought me some "Over the Hill" garb to wear throughout the day. I thought "Over the Hill" was when you turned 50? Haha. Yesterday was a beautiful day. Good thing, because I had been looking forward to this trip for months. Everything about yesterday was amazing. Lots of laughs with good friends from near and far. I did miss a few of you though!
My husband, Mr. King had been cooking up a plan for months to surprise me. I have never been surprised in my life. (Well, I take that back. There are many occasions where I have been surprised, but this was my first "birthday" surprise.) When we arrived back in town from the winery, we turned the corner and saw A LOT of cars parked outside. I knew the neighbors were having family over for her mother's birthday, but as I looked closer I noticed that I knew a lot of the cars and that this party was quite possibly for me!! Wow. It was so neat. He had cooked up a storm, gotten a yummy cake, even had a birthday banner made for me that said "Happy 29th...again." He really outdid himself.
I am going to embrace 30 and beyond. I have many wonderful experiences yet to be had, more children to bear, more life to live. And turning 30 is okay.
How did you/will you feel about turning three decades old?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Mason
Our son is the sweetest, most handsome, perfect baby that ever was born. He is very loving, has a sense of humor, is nice (most of the time) to our pets, sleeps 12 hours straight at night, puts himself to sleep, and eats just about anything you give him. He is the sweetest, most handsome, perfect baby.
Until he throws a fit.
I mean, some of the tantrums he has are like nothing I have ever seen. This kid can throw his head back so hard that if it hit you in the mouth you might need plastic surgery. He can arch his back and tighten his legs so stiffly that you feel like you might break a bone trying to "bend" him back into cooperation. He can scream so loud that someone may be tempted to call the police because "no baby 'just' screams like that".
Oh, but Mason does.
I can't wait until he gets older, to see what part of his personality these tantrums help to mold. Will it make him sensitive to others? Passionate about his beliefs? Self-motivated? Fiercely loyal? Secure in himself? I hope all of those things. Although sometimes I think I might need to commit myself while raising a toddler, it is also the best part of my life. Because 99.9% (okay, maybe 99.5%) of the time, Mason is the sweetest, most perfectly handsome baby boy.
And I love him with all of my heart and soul.
Until he throws a fit.
I mean, some of the tantrums he has are like nothing I have ever seen. This kid can throw his head back so hard that if it hit you in the mouth you might need plastic surgery. He can arch his back and tighten his legs so stiffly that you feel like you might break a bone trying to "bend" him back into cooperation. He can scream so loud that someone may be tempted to call the police because "no baby 'just' screams like that".
Oh, but Mason does.
I can't wait until he gets older, to see what part of his personality these tantrums help to mold. Will it make him sensitive to others? Passionate about his beliefs? Self-motivated? Fiercely loyal? Secure in himself? I hope all of those things. Although sometimes I think I might need to commit myself while raising a toddler, it is also the best part of my life. Because 99.9% (okay, maybe 99.5%) of the time, Mason is the sweetest, most perfectly handsome baby boy.
And I love him with all of my heart and soul.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Maiden Voyage
This is my first official post in the blogging world. I have been a blog reader for some time, but never a writer. Not even a commenter. But, I have quite a bit on my mind it seems, so I made the decision to dive into the world of blogdom. Who knew?
Right now I am watching "2012" with Mr. King (also affectionately known as my husband). It is a movie about the end of the world. Depressing right? Before we settled in to watch, I asked Mr. King to brief me (as he always does) as to the premise of the movie. He tells me, "What!? You haven't heard about 2012? The end of the Mayan Calendar?! The end of the world?" I replied that I hadn't, and was quickly given a rundown of what this movie entailed. Wow. I was depressed before it even started.
Being the paranoid person I am, a self admitting "glass half-empty" kind of gal, it got me thinking. What if this really is the last two years humankind will spend on this Earth? Wow. What a thought.
Right now I am watching "2012" with Mr. King (also affectionately known as my husband). It is a movie about the end of the world. Depressing right? Before we settled in to watch, I asked Mr. King to brief me (as he always does) as to the premise of the movie. He tells me, "What!? You haven't heard about 2012? The end of the Mayan Calendar?! The end of the world?" I replied that I hadn't, and was quickly given a rundown of what this movie entailed. Wow. I was depressed before it even started.
Being the paranoid person I am, a self admitting "glass half-empty" kind of gal, it got me thinking. What if this really is the last two years humankind will spend on this Earth? Wow. What a thought.
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